


The Great Red Dragon Hoedown

by shinysparks



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack poetry, enjoy the facepalming, hoedown, poem, save yourselves, shiny writes poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An extremely cracky, Dolarhyde painting-eating poem in the style of one of the Whose Line Is It, Anyway? hoedowns...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Red Dragon Hoedown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Thymelady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thymelady/gifts).



> This started after I read Red Dragon (you know, like nearly everyone in the Richard Armitage fandom the moment they heard he'd be playing Dolarhyde,) and got really stuck on the painting-eating scene. As an artist, I kept wondering how the heck one could actually eat a watercolor painting quickly (much less at all.) My friends and I got into a discussion on Facebook about it and one thing led to another and... well... this monstrosity happened. _*facepalm*_ So, anyway, here's a painting-eating hoedown, [Whose Line](http://youtu.be/2Ek3GHryivs) style...
> 
> This is dedicated to my two co-conspirators, Thymelady and KathPoulter. ;)

There was a mad killer, his name was Dolarhyde.  
He was a tall, strong man with a dragon stuck inside.  
The dragon got real bitchy; he came up with a plan:  
Break into an art museum and pretend that he's a fan.

No breakfast on the plane, and no lunch stop, of course.  
That was when he realized: he was hungry as a horse.  
When he saw the painting, he was overcome by art.  
Then he shoved it in his mouth as if it were a tart.

He chewed and chewed and swallowed; this was a bad idea;  
The dragon made him burp and fart and gave him diarrhea.  
He took off through the building, just as fast as he could soar  
Dribbling little dots of poopy right behind him on the floor.

His tummy churned and rumbled; the dragon threw a fit:  
"I warned you don't defy me, you whiny little shit."  
He groaned and doubled over, before he pushed a mess.  
The dragon then cackled: "Do you feel me now? Oh yes."

He forced himself to run, his insides in a twist.  
"Perhaps it's finally time, to see a therapist?"  
The dragon scoffed at that, with much condescension,  
On his way to find some medical attention.


End file.
